Thursday, February 19, 2009

Birds, cats, moose, and candies.

The following was hiding among the other inhabitants of the "My Documents" folder in my computer. It seems I wrote it during High School, but brings up some important societal issues that deserve reconsideration...

So I always find it odd when people whistle at birds or meow at cats. They don't know what they're saying in bird or cat language! What if they are reciting obscenities? I'm sure the birds and cats don't enjoy that. I mean, how would you feel if a bird flew up to you and called you a whore or something? Holy crap. Speaking of animals, the way to say moose in plural is "moose." Crazy, huh? Just think... You just had an adventure in a forest near the Andes mountains; you're telling your story to some people, and you reach the climax: "then, as I was being chased by the moose, I fell into a river and...." but it's too late; you've lost your audience. Why? Because they're still confused about whether or not the word "moose" was singular or plural. Were you, the chasee, being chased by a herd of moose chasers? Or one singular moose chaser? They might never know what exactly happened to you near those Andes mountains. Which brings me to my next point: what if your name was Andy, and you lived in the Andes mountains, and you had a box of Andes candies? Would they be Andes Andy's Andes candies? Cause if so, that would be crazy!