Saturday, January 23, 2010

Means to ends.

Hello. I will start this inquiry with a strange question: Why are you reading this right now?

A short but sufficiently accurate answer might be, "because it exists."

But why does this blog exist - why do I blog at all?

You see, everything is a means to some end, and blogging is no exception. Blogging is a means to a rather superficial end; I blog to pass the time and get some thoughts off my mind and onto the Internet. But even that "end" is a means to some other end. Let's continue...

Why do I want to "pass the time"?

Because a) domestic chores (like cleaning my room) have already been accomplished to my satisfaction; also, it's Saturday and I'm burned out from the loads of b) work and c) school projects that I did this week.

Why do I a) clean my room, b) go to work, and c) do school projects?

Because a) I want to come home to an environment of manageable cleanliness after I go b) make sandwiches for zombie-like customers, which in turn is done so that I can make money.

Why do I need money?

Basically, so that I can pay for:
a) living in this aforementioned home of manageable cleanliness.
c) school, which in turn is a means to the end of "education."
d) recreational pursuits: things like taking my girlfriend to IHOP, or purchasing a charger for my four Wii remotes.

Why do I want a home, an education, and recreational pursuits?

Because my home is the best place to sleep and recreate in between trying to get an "education." But again: why an education? Because it is a means to the end of eventually getting more "money."

And what do I need more money for, after my college education is purchased?

Money, as you know, buys goods and services. I already have goods like Teddy Grahams and DVDs but there is a whole new realm of goods out there that (for the most part) only grown-ups with college educations can afford to acquire. These sorts of goods include grand pianos, dishwashers, and the ability to host large and classy parties. Of course, these kind of goods are subsidiary to something much more epic: a bigger home.

Why do I want a bigger home? Because a bigger home will have room not only to house myself, but to house my future spouse and possible future offspring.

But why do I want a spouse and offspring?

For several reasons. 1) Because life is about relationships, and the most meaningful relationships this life has to offer are those between husband and wife and between parent and child. I would like to enjoy companionship** of that nature. 2) Also because I belong to a religious group that highly emphasizes the importance of family, and therefore I lean heavily toward that sort of lifestyle. 3) Finally, because of, well, an urge to do my part to ensure that homo sapiens do not go extinct [of course, a sociobiologist would add that "in the survival of their own genes, women and men develop different strategies of sexual selection and reproduction: for example, men are naturally drawn to polygamy and women to monogamy," for biologically evident reasons about which you are free to ask your professor or mother, because I will not detail them here].

So, by logical conclusion on the above-mentioned means and ends, you are reading this blog because I want a wife and babies. My social, religious, and biological drives are the ultimate cause of your sitting there right now, staring at your screen in mild [read: shoulder-raising and "hm!"-inducing] amusement.

Now go do something else. And try not to think too hard about why you're doing it, or you might just write something like this.

** As a side note, when I tried to type in this phrase, my original wording was: "I would like to enjoy such companionships;" as I wrote, my Firefox spell-check kicked in to inform me that "companionships" is not a word. It suggested that what I would really like to enjoy is either my "companion ships" or my "companion's hips." The latter suggestion amused me.